


Happy Birthday, Commander Shepard 2015

by jupiter_james



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Commander Shepard birthday fic 2015, Crack Fic, Ensemble Cast, Gen, I borrowed them all with permission from their creators, OC Shepards, lots of Shepards, talking and drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 09:36:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3724009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jupiter_james/pseuds/jupiter_james
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an ensemble fic dedicated to many of my Tumblr friends and their Shepards. It's their OC's and mine getting together for a birthday celebration! All OC's have been used with permission. Some of them I was more familiar with than others, but they're all fantastic! Check them all out! And thank you all of you who donated your Shepard's to this project. It was a blast to create.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Birthday, Commander Shepard 2015

**Author's Note:**

> Links to the creators and their OC's:  
> [Choosyfruit](http://choosyfruit.tumblr.com) who created [Ozark Shepard](http://choosyfruit.tumblr.com/tagged/ozark-shepard)  
> [Maxxiedemon](http://maxxiedemon.tumblr.com) who created [Gideon Shepard](http://maxxiedemon.tumblr.com/post/108881481038/i-have-no-doubt-about-it-now-you-are-the-real)  
> [Ltleflrt](http://ltleflrt.tumblr.com) who created [John Matthew Shepard](http://ltleflrt.tumblr.com/post/94945191158/feels-like-home-m-shepard-kaidan-e-ltleflrt)  
> [Becominglolalu](http://becominglolalu.tumblr.com) who created [Lee Shepard](http://becominglolalu.tumblr.com/tagged/lee_shepard)  
> [Logicalfangirl](http://logicalfangirl.tumblr.com) who created [Teddy Shepard](http://logicalfangirl.tumblr.com/tagged/teddy-shepard)  
> [Storyhoard](http://storyhoard.tumblr.com) who created [Nathaniel Shepard](http://storyhoard.tumblr.com/OCs)  
> [Joasakura](http://joasakura.tumblr.com) who created [Vanya Shepard](http://joasakura.tumblr.com/post/113452314727/joasakura-every-so-often-when-im-really)  
> [Tovaras](http://tovaras.tumblr.com) who created John Shepard (Sheploo with no page link)  
> [Sinvraal](http://sinvraal.tumblr.com) who created [Kye Shepard](http://sinvraal.tumblr.com/tagged/kye-shepard)  
> [Jupiterjames](http://jupiterjames.tumblr.com) (me) who created [Ianto Shepard](http://jupiterjames.tumblr.com/tagged/Ianto%20Shepard) and Astrid Shepard (no character page link)

Astrid pulled her long black hair into a ponytail before locking gazes with her younger brother; twin green gazes, over the top of five crates of beer and liquor. "Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked.

Ianto grinned and shrugged. "Sure I'm sure. It's been a long time since any of us have been able to have a birthday party in years."

With a small laugh, Astrid hefted one of the cases and put in on the floor, opening it with her omni-blade and moving the bottles into an ice chest. "Because you know what happens when all of your friends are in the same room. Your apartment alone is in serious danger of burning down, the more of them you have gathered in the same place."

The doorbell rang and Glyph announced the arrival of some of his guests. Ianto winked at Astrid and moved to answer the door. "Too late now. Whatever happens, happens."

"I'll say 'I told you so' later."

Shepard opened the door to a small group of marines already raring for a party. Ianto held out his hand. "Welcome. Thanks for coming."

Ozark, Lee, and John shook hands as they stepped inside. John turned towards the kitchen. "Is the beer on ice?"

"Pace yourself, you lush," Oz advised, "or you'll hit the floor before we get to have any _real_ fun."

Lee turned towards Ianto, but kept following his friends, walking backwards. "I already took away their firearms. You're safe for now."

Ianto waved them off and shortly heard a round of loud greetings to Astrid. And before he even had the chance to close the door halfway, Vanya shouldered it back open, grinning from ear to ear and holding four bottles of swill he'd insist was better than anything Ianto could find. Russians. "Ianto!" he boomed. "My brother in the N7 Biotic Beer and Misery Club! I brought you real booze. You're welcome."

"A higher alcohol content doesn't make it better, just more likely to be able to power a rocket booster," Ianto retorted, once again moving to close the door, but pausing as another tall, lean figure stepped from the elevator. An indulgent smile spread over his features as the man approached. "John Matthew," he said simply.

The taller man stopped in his tracks. Smiled for a second and then it disappeared as he dipped his head and scratched at the back of his neck. "What's up?" he mumbled. "Thanks for the invite."

"I'd never leave you out," Ianto said, teasing.

A small smile peeked back out on Matt's scarred face. "Don't give me that look. I'll be up to flirting again when I've had a few and got my feet back under me." He passed through the doorway and brushing against Ianto's shoulder. 

Ianto's eyes followed him as he made his way inside, his attention not broken until a voice said, "you've got good taste, I'll give you that." He turned back and held his hand out to Nathaniel. It was taken firmly and then Nate gestured over his shoulder. "Found these guys on my way up." He stepped aside to make way. Gideon and Ted were flanking Kye, who was carrying several trays with her.

Gideon was smirking slightly, his default expression as far as Ianto could tell, and saying, "Ted, you remind me of one of those small dogs running around and tripping everyone at the ankles the way you're begging right now."

"A miniature poodle?" Kye offered sourly, holding the trays out of the way. "No, Ted, you'll have to wait. It's not _my_ fault you forgot to eat before coming here. Hello, Ianto, I brought the dessert like Astrid asked. Red velvet cupcakes."

Chuckling, Ianto pointed towards the kitchen, "she's in there. Behave, Teddy. Hey, Gideon. Didn't think you'd come."

Ted grunted his hello and proceeded directly towards the bar, but Gideon stopped to shake hands. "Even I have a social quota to meet," he said. "Don't expect me to be the life of the party, though."

Ianto shrugged, closing the door behind him, finally. "Don't even worry about it. John's here. Give him one drink and he'll make a nuisance of himself."

As it was, the crowd was already starting to get rowdy. Before joining the noise, Ianto went to the kitchen to check on Astrid and Kye. 

"Are we really the only women here?" Kye was asking as she plated the load of desserts she'd made, Astrid dishing up finger foods to hopefully inspire everyone to soak up at least _some_ of the alcohol. "How is that?"

"Because life isn't fair and my brother doesn't know how to talk to women," Astrid answered.

Ianto grabbed two of the platters and kissed Astrid on the back of the head. "It might be true what you say, but you're also the only women I know who can class the place up without making everything worse. One of you has medic training, right?"

"I'm not wasting any medi-gel on you just because you decided to throw a party like this," Kye answered.

Vanya poked his head in, swiping one of the trays from Ianto. "If something goes wrong tonight, you will have died a soldier's death."

"That hardly inspires confidence," Kye said.

"It shouldn't," the red-haired Russian answered, disappearing with the food. 

Ianto shrugged helplessly and made his way to the living room just in time to hear Ted's amused voice saying, "look, you all are just bitter as hell that I work smarter and not harder. There's no need to break your damn back climbing the ranks. Cunning is just as important as brute force. It wasn't _cheating_ fudging the PT requirements. I just took advantage of the loopholes to get where I am."

"Fuck _you_ , Ted!" Gideon and Nate said in unison. Gideon raised an eyebrow and turned his head towards Nate, who's expression was almost identical. He held out his hand. Nate shook it.

"Good man," Gideon said.

"Same to you," Nate answered. "Somehow you've got a really honest face. I feel like I can trust a man who looks like he wants to break everyone's nose all the time."

"I look that way because I _do_."

John appeared a moment later, dragging Matt in a loose headlock with him. "Guys you have _got_ to hear what this loser was trying to tell me and Oz. It's the biggest load of bullshit ever. Go ahead, tell them, JM. Tell them what you told me."

"He's drunk," Oz said apologetically. "I swear I didn't know one Asari Sunrise would do this to him. We were trying to distract him from taking his clothes off, and now he won't stop laughing."

Matt smacked John's arm trying to tap out, but the other man wouldn't release him. "Tell them, Matty!" he insisted.

Giving up, Matt sighed. "I made the mistake of getting sucked into one-upsmanship with him and he was challenging me on my sex life. Sorry, Ianto, I told him we made love a long time ago."

Ianto raised an eyebrow, and John crowed with laughter. "You 'made love'?" he said with air quotes, finally letting go of Matt. "In what alternate universe?"

"It happened!" Matt insisted.

"Don't talk to him while he's drunk," Gideon advised.

Nate paused his beer at his lips. "Why not?"

Gideon crossed his ankle over his knee. "Because one of two things will happen. Either he'll start monologuing, or he'll cry."

"Hey, screw you, old man!" John laughed, flipping him off.

"I'm sorry. The air's too thin up here on my pedestal of maturity for me to hear you all the way down there in your pit of grabby hands and inappropriate nudity."

John took another long swig of the beer that Ted had snuck him behind his back. "Whatever. At least I'm not thirty and acting like a centurion yelling at kids to get off my lawn."

Gideon smirked and saluted with his glass. "If I knew any kids, that's _exactly_ what I'd be doing."

Ianto stood to refill his drink, but before he'd made it more than two steps, Vanya's arm fell heavily around his shoulders. "You and the Garrus lookalike made love? For real?"

Ianto chuckled. "Yeah. Long time ago in a different life."

Vanya nodded sagely with pursed lips several times. It was the dangerously tipsy expression that occasionally ended with something being set on fire. "Good. That's very good. But you need to call it what it _really_ was."

"And what was it, since you're such an expert?"

Vanya's wolfish grin lit his whole face. "Fucking."

"You wouldn't be teasing me if you knew how good he was in bed," Ianto answered, clinking his glass against Vanya's in cheers before extracting himself. Vanya roared with laughter. 

Figuring there was no way of stopping them now, Ianto grabbed a handful more beers and passed a fresh one to Nate, who was eyeing John as he attempted to torture Matt some more. In an undertone to Gideon he muttered, "when he passes out, which he will, I'm drawing a dick on his forehead."

Gideon's scarred lip tipped up. "I have a permanent marker."

"What was that about being so mature?" Kye asked from behind him, leaning her forearms on the back of his chair.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Gideon said.

Lee snorted into his glass. "You can't _possibly_ be as... what's the word? Detached as you're acting. It has to be a front."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Gideon repeated, though his smirk had a touch of real humor. "What's your story, then? Don't tell me you'd love dealing with all of these idiots every day."

"Hey, now," Ted said. "Keep talking like that and I'm taking you off my Christmas card list."

"Bet you cheat on that, too, and have someone else write them," Nate said.

Kye laughed. "Damn, you're mean! Don't pretend like you're so high and mighty. Everyone has their secrets."

Gideon nodded. "That's why I'm giving Lee over here a fair shot. What's your skeleton?"

"I'm not like you," Lee answered. "I'm a paragon. I pay my debts, hold doors open, give credit where credit is due-"

Ozark cut him off, "-and help old ladies cross the street. Yeah, got it. That's so boring! There's gotta be _something_ in there."

"Just a decent human being," Lee said.

Ted groaned. "I call bullshit!"

"You would," John answered.

Vanya hummed. "Teddy, not everyone makes up for a lack of height with an abundance of hostility."

Ted placed his hand over his heart in mock offense. "I'd be scandalized, but I feel sorry for you, since that's probably the best insult you can come up with."

Nate scooted a tiny bit further away from Ted. "He _can_ actually kill you, you know."

Kye raised her hand. "My money's on Ted. He looks scrappy."

Matt laughed. "Don't start taking bets. Didn't we agree to all survive this birthday party?"

Ianto rolled his eyes. "I'm sure some of you were lying."

Shrugging, Kye said, "it'd be entirely your fault for not setting ground rules."

"True," Ianto agreed. "I don't trust a single one of you." He pushed off the back of the couch where he'd been leaning and went back to the kitchen to bring out the rest of the food, spreading it around the tables in the living room and bar area, sensing that a lack of nourishment might tip the scales from noisy to catastrophic with a quickness. And everyone seemed game enough to eat the sandwiches, sushi, fruit platters, and cupcakes, if only to allow themselves to drink more without blacking out. 

Gradually, the large group broke into smaller sections and spread out, which was probably safer in theory. It seemed to be working out, anyway. John was almost literally losing his shirt in poker to Vanya, Gideon, Astrid, and Nate, thanks to his low alcohol tolerance which made a poker face impossible through his snorting laughter.

"I almost feel bad," Astrid commented, tossing her bet into the middle of the table. "It's too easy."

"Take him for everything he's worth, he got himself into this mess," Gideon advised, placing his bet. "We are under no obligation to reward drunken mistakes."

But John didn't seem to care at all as he slammed his bet into the pot. "I'll be the one laughing when I have you eating your words once my luck turns!"

Vanya chugged a long gulp of his rocket fuel before joining the round. "Doesn't even matter. I'm going to clean _all_ of you out. I call. Let's see what you've got."

"Enough to take you down," Nate said, turning over his flush to a table full of groans. He swept the chips towards himself. "Thank you for your business."

"Can we deal you in?" Gideon asked Ianto, shuffling the deck.

"Nah, I'm good," he said. "Just making sure you're all behaving yourselves."

"Not in the slightest," John answered.

"Good for you," Ianto answered, leaving them in order to search out everyone else. Kye and Matt were mixing more drinks at the bar and grinning like children about it.

"How can someone so musical be so bad at dancing?" Kye was asking.

"It's a mystery even I've never figured out," Matt said amiably. "Not all singers are dancers."

"You'd think you'd at least have some rhythm there," she said.

Matt chuckled, garnishing some green monstrosity that Kye had whipped up complete with fruit slices and a tiny umbrella. "You'd think. Okay, this one's done." He picked up the large glass proudly in both hands and carried it towards the couches where Ozark, Lee, and Ted were arguing about the merits of carrying extra grenades. Matt offered the drink proudly to Ted. Ianto sent up a small prayer that it wasn't the fish bowl he was thinking it was. Poor Blasto. He's probably find the damn thing in a toilet somewhere later. What an undignified vacation from his home.

"What the hell?" Ted demanded, taking the, hopefully not, fish bowl anyway and sniffing at it.

"Hey, it's bigger than your head!" Oz beamed.

"What is it?" Lee asked, holding onto his beer bottle for dear life.

"It's my specialty," Kye answered. "Just drink it."

"Are you playing a joke on me?" Ted asked.

"Only a little," Kye admitted, "but it's really good! I promise. Fruity drinks are my thing."

Ted sipped the drink primly, grudgingly agreeing that it did, in fact, taste fantastic, but unwilling to let anyone harass him for looking a bit odd drinking it. To her credit, when Kye came to join them, she was holding a rather large blue concoction of her own. "Beer and straight liquor get boring," she told them.

Lee agreed quickly, if only to prevent Matt or Kye from making him one, too. Then it was back to shop talk.

"Anyway," Oz continued, "there's nothing impractical about having an extra grenade belt. Husks like to swarm and there's no sense in wasting single ammo or biotics on a crowd that weak."

Lee shook his head. "Yeah, but what happens when a well-timed biotic blast, or shield detonation blows you sky high because of the extra heavies? That's not a worthwhile payoff. Or risk."

"Get better at finding cover," Ted reasoned with a smirk.

"Says you," Kye laughed. "You're pretty fond of running into the heat of things, so I've heard."

"I'm no worse than the rest of you," Ted answered. "And don't pretend you don't show off with the biotics, Kye."

She shrugged. "Only sometimes. But I wouldn't be dumb enough to do it while carrying an ass load of grenades."

Matt laughed. "All I'm hearing here is that style is as important as safety. You people are lunatics."

Oz bumped Matt on the shoulder. " _We_ are lunatics. You're hardly excluded."

Lee smiled. "Some of us are just better at acting normal."

"Says the man who claims to have no secrets," Oz teased.

"I never made that claim," Lee protested. "It's just nothing that the tabloids would be able to run with."

"Where's the fun in _that_?" Ted asked.

Ianto grinned. "I agree. The constant underlying fear of Khalisah digging up _real_ trash for once is the spice of life."

"Have fun with that," Lee said, scrunching his face up in distaste.

Thankfully, over the next several hours, no one broke anything or blew anything up. It was probably a minor miracle, but Ianto wasn't going to question it. He hated apartment hunting and would prefer this one to remain standing. Though he did catch Vanya trying to egg John into laying out some ill-advised and low tech pranks around the apartment, including trip wires and cherry bombs. They were worse than Garrus and Zaeed when drunk.

But as the evening came to a close, Ianto had to admit he'd been right in calling for the party. He'd had the time of his life. Everyone eventually filtered back to the living room to finish off the food and drinks.

Ianto perched on the edge of the fireplace and raised his glass. "I'm not going to get corny and inspirational on all of you, but I do want to say I'm honored that you came tonight and privileged to know each and every one of you. There aren't a whole lot of people who can say they're lucky enough to have friends and comrades who know how to get shit done with integrity, skill, and efficiency, no matter the odds, but we are all of us, those people. No matter what's been said about us or thrown our way, we're the best the Alliance has. The galaxy is lucky to have us. The finest damn soldiers of any group. And through another year, we may have gotten older, but no less able to kick ass, take names, defend our honor, and look sexy doing it. Here's to you. To our triumphs. Who's like us?"

Glasses tipped up above the heads of the gathered as they roared, "damn few! And they're all dead."


End file.
